I anticipated that today would be one of the most difficult days of our trip. We had planned to drive from Benson, AZ to Redlands, CA. Google Maps put our drivetime right at seven hours. But we had been warned that Google’s estimated drivetimes are notoriously unreliable for Southern California. About four hours of this drive, roughly from Phoenix, AZ to Palm Springs, CA, were through territory that appeared desolate. Neither Roadtrippers nor Google indicated anything along our route. Only a few widely spaced places to buy gas and water. That’s it!
Allow me to give a bit of background as to why this was such a challenge for me. Since around 1980, I have dealt with an assortment of heart rhythm issues. A surgery in 2000 corrected one of them. The others are fairly well controlled with medication and avoidance of things that trigger them such as aerobic activity, lifting heavy weights, flying, etc. For many years, especially in my 20s and early 30s, my heart issues and some biochemical imbalances contributed to a struggle with severe panic disorder which, at times, was debilitating. Some of you reading this reflection will recall those days and how every day was a struggle just to survive and raise my sons with some semblance of “normal” life. (God is so good, however. He faithfully used that time to cause me to cling to Him, to search His Word, and to learn trust. Nothing goes to waste in His economy.)
Today, praise God, I am much better…as long as I behave and don’t attempt things that are risky for me. So the fact that I am making this trip at all, especially with all the changes in elevation and the moving of luggage, etc., is a major miracle. The fact that I’m doing it with ease and enjoyment is nothing short of a triumph! (I don’t think I could do it without my sweet husband. He carries the bulk of the luggage and handles all of the driving. He’s very accommodating about pace and what I can handle in the way of physical exertion. He is absolutely one of God’s most special gifts to me!)
So there’s the background. I was, understandably I think, a bit nervous about today’s drive. And I was bringing it before our Lord in prayer for days. Then, a couple of days ago, during the office of Vigils, my day opened with this hymn by Melinda Kirigen-Voss and Bob Dufford:
“You shall cross the barren desert,
But you shall not die of thirst,
You shall wander far in safety,
Though you do not know the way.
You shall speak your words to foreign men,
And they will understand.
You shall see the face of God and live.
Be not afraid, I go before you always.
Come follow Me, and I will give you rest.”
It seemed that our sweet Lord was reinforcing, in a particularly specific way, a promise He makes to me frequently. I cannot say that my apprehension totally evaporated. But I can say that when it arose, I was able to go back to this promise and just trust. Deliberately. And surrender to whatever He would allow to happen.
Last night I opened the book I’ve been reading on pilgrimage. The title of the next chapter was “The Practice of Being Uncomfortable”. Coincidence? Hmmm… The author quoted Dietrich Bonhoeffer, who wrote, “The disciple simply burns his boats and goes ahead. He is called out…The old life is left behind, and completely surrendered. The disciple is dragged out of his relative security into a life of absolute insecurity…out of the realm of the finite…into the realm of infinite possibilities.”
John and I are in the habit of listening to recorded books as we travel. This morning, as we set out, we began a new book. I didn’t really know what the plot would be. I only knew that I had enjoyed other works by this author. Can you guess what the main character was doing? Making a perilous journey through a desert in the company of someone who kept reminding her of the faithfulness of God. Coincidence? Hmmm…
So now I am on the other side of the desert, in a hotel room in Redlands, CA. The scary leg of the journey is behind us. And I learned that God is present in the desert, too. There is a difference between accepting that an idea is true and having that truth burrow deep into your soul.
I will mention that, this morning, just before the tough leg of our journey began, we stopped at Mission San Xavier del Bac outside Tucson, AZ. I’d encourage you to look it up online. My pictures just don’t do it justice. It’s also known as the White Dove of the Desert. It’s easy to see why. In a landscape where everything else is brown and green, it is visible for miles. It is another one of those “thin places”. I could have stayed for hours. But we had to get on the road.
And then I saw God in the yellow blooming trees that peppered the desert all along the way. (Mesquite?) In the saguaro forests. In the incredibly beautiful mountains silhouetted against intensely blue sky. In the dust devil that hit our van with surprising force. In the red blooming ocotillos. In the abundance of life even in this arid landscape. In the wind that powered the wind farms in Palm Springs. And most especially in the fact that we made it to the other side of the desert in great peace.
